CONNECTING IS NOT ENOUGH: Ten Tips to Get Your Referral Message Across (Part One)

This article was originally published in The National Networker

Building a strong network to help you generate more business is just the first step in an effective referral strategy. Once you have established and developed relationships with those people in your network, you then need to build their understanding of how they can help you so that they can become effective champions for your business.

This is where so many people fall down. They network relentlessly trying to find the referrals they need when they already have all the necessary connections. They’re just not getting their message across well enough to help their network help them.

If you struggle to get the connections you need from your network, read on. Hopefully the following tips will give you some ideas about how you can change your approach and get your message across in a way that will make it easy for others to refer you.


Tip Number One: Know what your message is


It sounds a bit obvious, doesn’t it? Yet I consistently ask audiences at my talks and delegates on my workshops who their ideal referral is and so few actually have a clear idea. But if you don't know, how can anyone else be expected to understand?

Spend some time working out who your ideal referral is and who you’d like to be introduced to. Your thoughts would naturally turn to prospective clients, yet it may be far more valuable to be introduced to someone who can provide links to numbers of prospects, or add other value to your business. Where do you most need support at the moment for example?

Most businesses have a range of products and services they offer. If this describes you, who are the key connections you need for each revenue stream? Develop a ‘referral mix’, and have a clear picture in your mind of each one, in case the opportunity arises to ask for the connection.


Tip Number Two - Ask the right question of the right person


Once you understand your referral mix, you need to ask people for the referrals they are best placed to offer. After all, different people have different networks.

A few years ago I started writing for The Sun newspaper as a result of a referral from a former top newspaper editor. When he asked how he could help me, I targeted my response to an area I knew he was familiar with and where he was well-placed to help. A little bit of thought can make a huge amount of difference if you then know you are asking the right questions.

You can also do your research in advance in some cases, where appropriate. If you are meeting with a prospective champion and you know referrals may be on the agenda, why not look at their LinkedIn network in advance to see who they know and how they might be able to connect you?


Tip Number Three - Be Specific


If you are struggling to get referrals from people who want to help you, it may be that they simply don’t understand who you want to talk to. That may seem strange to you, but you know your business better than anyone else.

Paint a picture in people's minds of the people you want to meet, companies you want to talk to. The clearer the picture in their mind, the fewer the number of people they know (but above zero!), the more chance there is that they will be able to connect you.

We tend to assume that the more examples of potential referrals we give our champions, the more chance that they will know someone and refer us. However, the reverse is true. The greater the number of potential referrals they can pass, the more filtering they have to do. You have to do the filtering for them

For example, if you sell least cost telephone routing you could ask people for connections to anyone who has a telephone. I’ve heard that request made several times! Yet how much time do you think people would take to make those referrals? Will they speak to everyone they know who has a phone?

It’s unlikely that they would, so they’d have to decide who to talk to. It’s more likely that they’d simply pass on the opportunity to help.

Make it easy for people to follow through and make your request specific and focused. If they know one person and can easily have the conversation, it’s much harder to say no.


Tip Number Four - Ask Directly


I would venture that the most common reason people don’t get referrals from their network is quite simple….they don’t ask for them! It’s often said that if you don't ask you don't get, yet we just sit back and expect our network to refer us.

Many businesses will admit that their best source of new business is word of mouth and recommendations, yet their strategy is a passive one, waiting for customers to refer them rather than asking. However, we are far more likely to talk about negative experiences than positive ones. You need to substantially exceed people’s expectations if you want people to refer you on their own initiative.

Don't assume people know how to help you, or even think about doing so. Look at your closest network and best clients and ask yourself who would be happy to help you but who you've never asked. Sit down with them and explain the connections you are looking for and ask for their help. If you’ve selected wisely you should be delighted with the results.


Tip Number Five - Put yourself in others' shoes


The very nature of referrals dictates that, more often than not, you won’t be present when the referral takes place. It’s important for you to anticipate the conversation between your champion and prospect and prepare your champion with the information they’ll need.

After all, you can’t simply expect your champion to ask the other person if they’d like to meet you without the prospect asking why!

A common mistake is for people seeking referrals to explain why they want to meet or work with a prospect. They are only seeing things from their own perspective. The hard truth is that your prospect doesn’t care about what you want. They are interested in their own needs and self-interest.

More specifically, if they are going to want to speak to you, they need to perceive that they have a problem you can solve. After all, we are in business to solve people’s problems.

Help your champion understand how to communicate the problem your prospect is facing, the solution you offer and how they will then benefit from the eradication of that problem. If you can get that right, you won’t need to be there to make the sale.


Next month, in the next five tips, we’ll look at the importance of keeping things simple, telling stories patience and managing your reputation.

Asking clients for referrals

I've launched a new page on Facebook for people to share links, videos, blogs and ideas on networking and referral strategy. You can find the page at www.facebook.com/networkingstrategy.

One of the features of the new page is a Discussion section, where I have invited members to post questions and tips on networking and referrals.

At the weekend, Nikki Pilkington asked the following question:

Andy, in all the time I've known you, you've taught me that referral networking works - and it's true. But how would I go about asking current clients to pass me referrals without making them feel obliged or hassled? Thanks in advance for any insight.

Hi Nikki

Two bits of simple advice to get you started:

- Don't treat everyone as equal
- Keep it simple, make it easy.

1 - Don't treat everyone as equal

Many businesses institute 'get a referral' schemes targetting their clients as a general body, perhaps by offering an incentive if they refer, or asking for help 'if you are happy with what we do'.

Such impersonal schemes are easy to duck. If you're not asked directly and personally, it's not difficult to press 'delete', and very tempting when you are busy!

In other cases, businesses will ask clients individually, but use a general approach. The most frequent example of this is the set of questions at the end of every meeting. You know the form:

"Are you happy with what we did?"
"Do you know any one else who would benefit from this?"
"Can you give us their names?"

At best this approach provides a list to cold call, but can often make the client uncomfortable. After all, you have been there to help them, not the other way around.

Instead of these general approaches, think of each client individually. Ask yourself how much they would WANT to refer you (in other words, how well do they like and trust you?) and how well they understand HOW to refer you.

Focus first on improving these two areas where necessary. There's no point just asking for referrals from people who don't feel comfortable or able to do so.

When you have done that, you have two more questions to ask yourself. The first one is to ask who they know, which I'll come onto in a moment. The second is what can you do to inspire them?

There are a whole range of answers to the second question, running from simply asking to referring them and, in certain cases, financial incentives. The key is that the response is personal to each potential Champion, not a 'catch all' approach that catches none.

2 - Keep it simple, make it easy

The easier you make it for someone to refer you, the more likely it is that they will. A general request often produces nothing. If I asked you for an introduction to everyone you know who has a telephone, how much work would be involved for you helping me? Too much to justify you doing it!

A specific request that is tailored to that person's network is the best approach, hence 'who do they know?'. Be very clear about who you want to speak to and why and it will be much easier for them to make the connection.

The more personal your approach, and the more focused your requests, the more success you'll see.

I hope this helps.

The Need for Greed

One of the key underlying principles of networking is the mantra introduced by Dr. Ivan Misner across BNI Groups worldwide. The principle of 'Givers Gain' dictates that you must be focused on giving to your network first and the rewards will follow and it is one that I agree with.

Sometimes, however, it's possible to go too far.

A good friend of mine is a case in point. He has a tremendous reputation for his generosity. He is always looking to help others and goes out of his way to be amenable. This is despite the fact that his own business is struggling and he really needs to focus on his needs first. He said to me recently that if he doesn't win more business in the next month he may have to find employment and shelve his company.

It is possible that his amenability is a actually a cause of his own struggle. My friend is so focused on seeking opportunities to help other people he forgets to ask for help for himself, or doesn't recognise opportunities for himself when they come along.

Last week I said to him that I was going to introduce someone who could be very helpful in opening some important doors for his business. As soon as I described some of the projects this contact was working on, my friend began to list who he knew who could help on those projects.

"That's tremendous", I said. "But this is a connection for you and your business. You need to focus on that initially, don't lose the opportunity.

"I know you're right", he said. "But I'm not greedy."

"You've spend the last twelve years not being greedy. Maybe that's one reason you're so needy".

My friend has been so focused over the years on helping other people, not only has he not asked for the help he needs, when a new introduction has come his way he has been more focused on who else could benefit from the new contact than focus on his own needs.

He has a bank of people who he has helped and who would love to help him, but he doesn't feel comfortable asking for their help. As a result, they cannot recognise the right opportunities for him and he is struggling.

Givers Gain works on the understanding that your network will want to help you if you continue to help them. That only works, however, if they understand how to help you and if you accept that help when it comes your way.

It's fine not to be greedy, but not to the extent it leaves you needy.

Referral Marketing - Why Incentive Schemes Don't Always Work

Those who know me well know that I like to swim to keep fit. Where possible I try to swim up to five times a week. I attend a health club close to where I live. The pool is based in a beautiful stately home with an 18 hole golf course in the grounds. It's an idyllic setting, somewhere you think people would be proud to be a member.

The Health Club, like many, is having a push for new members. Over the years they have offered various incentives to their existing members to refer them. These have ranged from free periods of membership and perks for their guests to iPods or pure cash incentives.

Few seem to have worked. At the moment they have resorted to direct mail to local households and people on their mailing list, offering free periods of membership and waiving registration fees to encourage people to join.

When many businesses recognise that referrals from existing clients are the most effective source of new business, why is it that their efforts are failing so visibly? This weekend might provide a clue.

I went along for a swim on both Saturday and Sunday. Unfortunately there was a problem with the boiler and the pool water was much colder than usual. Suffice it to say, I had a couple of 'refreshing' swims!

No problem with that you may think. After all, such things are bound to happen and they did post signs clearly stating, and apologising for, the problem. The trouble is, it wasn't an isolated problem. Two weeks ago the showers didn't work. Before that the spa wasn't working, the sauna was out of action, the steam room was shut.....

You probably get the picture.

On top of all of these malfunctions, the clock by the pool has been five minutes slow.....for at least three years. For a long time the clock outside the changing rooms had stopped, frequently the showers lack gel, the hand towel holder is empty. The majority of lockers don't have keys. All of these are tiny issues on their own, but add up to give a picture of a company that shows no care, and doesn't look after their customers.

Over my two visits at the weekend, I was party to four different conversations between Members criticising the way the Club is run. I hasten to say I didn't start any of them!

If you don't look after your customers, how can you possibly expect them to refer you? People are far more likely to spread bad news than good and it's more likely that they'll tell people how you're managing to get things wrong than refer you just to get an iPod.

If you want people to refer you, you need to give them something positive to talk about. Something so good, it gives them a story. You need to substantially exceed their expectations. You can start by getting the simple things right.

If you fail their expectations at all, they'll be talking about you anyway, and not just among themselves. It just won't be what you'd want to hear.

The Secrets to Successful Connecting - Jill Lublin

I'd like to welcome a guest blogger this month. Jill Lublin is a renowned US author and has just published her third book in the States, 'Get Noticed… Get Referrals: Build Your Client Base and Your Business by Making a Name for Yourself'




Connecting is the art of building relationships; relationships that last. It’s the forming of bonds with people that can grow into deeper, closer, more meaningful relationships.

Making close connections is essential because people prefer to work and interact those with whom they feel connected. They share common interests, feelings, values, and beliefs. They trust them and want to help them more. Instead of concentrating on closing one-time sales, it is better to build close, long-term connections that will endure.

Be honest and build trust. Exaggerating and falsifying may help produce quick sales, but over time, they will do you in. Overstating and failing to deliver as promised kills relationships because customers want what they were promised. Few will continue to conduct business with those who have not kept their word. Not delivering precisely as promised is the best way to ruin your reputation and brand.

To create solid connections, follow these suggestions:

• Perfect your art. Deliver top quality. Do what you do excellently, as well as it can be done. “There is no substitute for quality,” T. Harv Eker states. If the quality you provide is outstanding, you don’t have to do lots of networking. People will network for you. They will tell others about you and recommend you. People love to refer others to those who provide the top quality.” It makes them look good.

• Stick to the facts. It’s easy to exaggerate and promise more than you can deliver, but it doesn’t pay. Be honest. Connect with potential customers by telling them the results your goods and services have achieved. Better yet, document the results, put on demonstrations, and show them proof. Provide them with endorsements from satisfied customers; take them to sites to your goods or services in operation with other customers. Then explain to your prospects exactly how you can help them.

• Don’t promise too much — especially if you may not be able deliver. Be completely honest. It’s better to lose a sale and stay on good terms with the prospect than to land the sale and subsequently alienate the customer. If your honesty costs you a deal, think of it this way: the customer may remember your truthfulness and call on you again. However, if you over-inflate or fail to deliver, your future with that prospect will be doomed, over, kaput. Plus, aggrieved customers tend to tell their friends about their dissatisfaction — especially when they feel they were intentionally deceived.

• When you’re looking for business, offer your goods or services at an attractive price. Be fair and don’t gouge; build trust. Give potential customers a price incentive for giving you their business. When you have performed well for them, you can use them showcase to sell future customers. You will also have forged connections with satisfied customers who will give you repeat business and recommend you to others. Ask satisfied customers to give you endorsements or letters of commendation. Have them write on their letterheads how excellently you performed. Post the commendations on your Web site, hang copies in your office, and keep them in a scrapbook that you can show potential customers. Insert them in your brochures and sales materials.

Your Outlook

Remember back in school how different personalities emerged and distinguished themselves. Every school had characters such as the nerd, the rocker, the jock, the babe, and the brain. Yet the one we tend to remember most fondly is the clown.
We all noticed the clown because he made us laugh. He connected with everyone through his humor; by making everything funny. The clown could make the most ordinary situation, the gravest circumstance, and the blandest personality absolutely hysterical. During the darkest moments, his quips broke the tension and lightened the mood. Humor was his focus, his outlook, his forte. His wit was what distinguished him and how he connected.

Great networkers also have special outlook. Like the clown who instinctively looks for humor, networkers are programmed to connect people. Great networkers constantly try to meet new people, learn all about them, and link them so that they can build close, mutually-beneficial relationships.

Distinguish yourself and boost your business by developing a connecting attitude. Be pleasant, friendly, and fun. People like to be with and do business with those they like, not with grouches. Train yourself to be a connector; develop a connecting frame of mind by constantly thinking in terms of whom you can connect. Here’s how to proceed:

Make two lists:
1. List people you would like to meet.
a. Create a plan to meet your targets.
b. Identify those who could introduce you to your targets or people who could
connect you to them.
c. List what you have in common with your targets such as common:
i. Friends.
ii. Businesses.
iii. Backgrounds.
iv. Interests.
v. Values and beliefs.
2. List people that you could connect with each other. List what they have in common:
a. Friends.
b. Businesses.
c. Backgrounds.
d. Interests.
e. Values and beliefs.
3. Create a plan to connect those individuals.

Connecting is addictive. When you make a strong connection it’s so satisfying that you can’t wait to do it again. It’s also rewarding because people are grateful for your efforts on their behalf. Successful connections motivate; they make you focus more on connecting and bringing more people together.

Since connectors are always trying to make matches, they become possibility people. Possibility people explore, try, and make things happen. They push the limits and don’t immediately accept “no” for an answer.

Possibility people stand out because they’re optimistic and more likely to achieve. They also tend to be creative, resourceful, and inspirational. If you want to increase your business referrals, develop a connecting outlook.


Jill Lublin is the author of two national best selling books, Guerrilla Publicity (which is
considered the PR bible and is used in university marketing courses), and Networking Magic (which went to #1 at Barnes and Noble). She is a renowned strategist and international speaker.

As the CEO of the strategic consulting firm, Promising Promotion, Jill has created successful techniques that implement bottom line results. Jill is founder of GoodNews Media, Inc., a company specializing in positive news. She is currently the host of the nationally syndicated radio show, Do the Dream, where she interviews celebrities who have achieved their dreams. Jill has recently been featured in the New York Times, Woman's Day, and Entrepreneur Magazine, as well as on ABC, NBC, CBS radio and TV national United States affiliates. Get Noticed…Get Referrals,

Jill’s third book, was just published by McGraw-Hill. Website: www.JillLublin.com

For more information about Jill Lublin Author of Get Noticed… Get Referrals: Build Your Client Base and Your Business by Making a Name for Yourself (Touring July 7 - August 1) visit http://virtualblogtour.blogspot.com/2008/06/jill-lublin-author-of-get-noticed-get.html. We invite you to visit various blog tour stops throughout the month to learn much more about Get Noticed… Get Referrals.

How Can I Help You? How to make generating referrals for your business so much easier

If someone asks you how they can help you, how clearly can you let them know how they can best make a difference to your business? If I was to ask you to tell me the ideal introduction for you, how effective would your answer be?

For most people, the response offered is normally ineffective. We all know our business really well but that makes it difficult for us to focus in on one key area when we are offered support. Yet, if you ask someone to do too much for you, the chances are that they will do nothing.

Why do I say that? It’s quite simple, the more vague or more broad your request, the more work there is for someone else to respond to it. Last week someone told me that they want to speak to anyone who owns a house. How many people do you think I know who are homeowners? How about you?

To meet that request, you have two choices. You can whittle down the list of homeowners you know to someone you’re happy to introduce him to; that alone requires a lot of thought and work and how do you make that decision? The other choice is to offer everyone we know as an introduction, probably very valuable to the person asking but a huge task for us and it’s not one, to be fair, that we are likely to complete.

In fact there is a third choice in circumstances like this, and it’s the one that most people will turn to. That choice is to do nothing at all as neither of the previous alternatives are very attractive.

How much easier would it have been if the selection process had been done for me, in the request? If, instead of being asked who I know who owns a home, I had been asked who I know who has just bought a new home? Instead of a long list of people I know, I would instantly have thought of just one or two people. Assuming that I am happy to make a connection, it would be a lot more likely that I would do so in these circumstances….wouldn’t it?

Always be as specific as you can in requests to your network, remembering that, if people find it easier to refer just one person based on a focused, clearly made description, you will gain far more than listing all of your wants and needs.

Whether you ask for people in a certain situation or name individuals or specific companies, this approach tends to produce much better results. Time after time.

A Networking Man of Mystery

When someone asks me what I do at a networking event, I always respond "I network", "I'm a networker" or something similar. I do this because I want to intrigue people and get them to ask me what I mean, and listen to the answer. After all, when someone asks you what you do in that situation, it is no more than the networking equivalent of "Do you come here often?"!

Last night I was at a networking event. Over dinner one attendee, who had asked me earlier what I do, asked me how being a networker could be a business. This was exactly the reaction I look for, it had obviously been on her mind for some time and she really wanted to know the answer.

This led our group into a discussion about when to let people know what you do. If you tell people straight away, they will immediately decide how relevant you are to them and how much more they want to listen. Because they haven't bought into you yet. Intrigue people so that they really want to know and they'll listen far more carefully.

But to what extreme can you take this intrigue?

I had been in a meeting earlier in the day and was describing a contact from my network. As I described him I suddenly realised that I don't really know what he does. He has an excellent reputation as a successful businessman with great contacts and as someone really worth knowing. But I don't know what he does. I had enjoyed a 1-2-1 with him only a couple of months ago, but still I don't know what he does.

At my next meeting I asked my colleague, who also knows this person, what he thought he did. He has known him for four years...and he doesn't know! And at last night's event I saw someone else who shares this contact, and he doesn't really know!

The upshot is that I (and I'm probably not along in this) am very keen to get in touch with my contact to arrange another meeting as soon as possible and really try to understand his business and what opportunities he is looking for. I don't know if that is the outcome he is looking for, if so it's brilliant networking, or if he simply doesn't know how to communicate his business.

At what stage do you tell people what you do and how effectively do you communicate this? Do you trot out the standard 'elevator pitch' fare as soon as someone asks what you do? Do you make your answer relevant to the person asking or give everyone the same response?

Or do you make them wait for an answer, ensuring that they really want to know?

Earning Referrals

Ask businesses how they get most of their new leads and best prospects and most will usually reply 'referrals and recommendations'. Ask them what strategy they have to maximise the flow of this new business and many will look at you blankly.

Over the years I have met many business people who will spend time and money developing marketing strategies incorporating PR, advertising, cold calling, exhibiting and other routes to market, yet leave referral generation to chance. The common response is "I let my customers refer me".

In his recent book, Truth or Delusion, Dr. Ivan Misner, founder of BNI, says,

"On several occasions, my coauthors and I discussed the point that I made in my book, The World's Best Known Marketing Secret, about how people were under the delusion that good customer service alone was enough to enable them to build their business through word of mouth. We shared stories about people we'd met over the years who had gone out of business waiting for good word of mouth to rescue them."

Dr. Misner discusses how good customer service is a prerequisite, we expect it. People are far more inclined to talk about bad news than good. Just look at the front pages of the newspapers most days of the week if you don't believe me.

It is not enough just to provide a good service and expect referrals. How many times do you attend a restaurant, eat good food, enjoy good service and then tell all of your friends about it? Compare that to the amount of times you have a bad experience, with poor food and rude service. You want to tell everyone not to go to that restaurant. Don't you?

Good service is expected when we buy something. That doesn't give us something to talk about. The fact is, if we want people to be our Champions, to advocate us to other people, we need to go that bit further.

This chart, used by the CEO expert Roger Harrop during a recent presentation I attended, illustrates this perfectly:



If you fail to meet people's expectations and they are dissatisfied with your product or service, as you would expect, they will leave you. If you meet their expectations and they are satisfied, that is fine but they are still prey to other people making better offer. To keep people buying from you, they either need to be very satisfied or you have to exceed expectations. But to make them Champions, you need to achieve both. Or as I put it, substantially exceed their expectations.

Give people a story to tell and you will win referrals. Just don't expect people to refer you simply because they are happy to buy from you.