CONNECTING IS NOT ENOUGH: It's a Question of Trust

This article originally appeared in The National Networker

It wasn’t what he expected to hear, that’s for sure!

I was half way through a 1-2-1 with a new networking connection when I surprised him.

“I don’t trust you”, I said.

The expression on his face was, to say the least, interesting. The meeting had gone well, we had shared a lot of views in common, he had shared some of his marketing processes with me and we had some contacts in common. The conversation had just turned to relationship building in networking and the importance of not selling at networking events, instead focusing on developing rapport and, most importantly, trust with fellow members.

“This is where so many people get it wrong”, I went on to explain. “When someone says they don’t trust us, we take it as a sign of distrust. We paint everything in black and white. We either trust someone or we distrust them. But that’s not the way things really work.

“In fact, we all start out either at, or close to, trust neutral. When we first meet someone we don’t have strong enough grounds to any strong feelings of trust either way. Trust is based on evidence; we need to have grounds to decide whether or not we can put our faith in someone. “

Of course, there are instant factors that mean that we may not necessarily start out at exactly neutral. The all important first-impressions certainly have an impact, get it right and people will want to trust you, get it wrong and you will have a lot more work to do to win that trust.

Similarly, a shared background, shared friends or having heard good things about people will give a strong platform from which to build trust. You still, however, have to prove those initial impressions correct.

This concept of trust is key to networking effectively in many ways. There are still far too many people who go to events and expect trust instantly, without earning it. At the other end of the spectrum, there are those who can’t see the point of networking with strangers and who won’t open their networks to them.

You have to find a balance. Don’t wade in to networking events and just expect people to buy from you or connect you because you are there. Trust has to be earned.

I went to a networking event a few years ago where part of the evening was a short ‘Speed Networking’ session. We were all told to move along the line and take it in turns to introduce ourselves and then ask the other person “How can I help you?” Naturally, it felt completely odd. Asking complete strangers how you can help them is a false position. It’s rarely genuine. That question does not occur that early in a relationship; you need to want to help people, and the more you trust them the more likely you are to want to help.

On the other hand, if networking is to work, there needs to be a willingness to trust earlier than you would normally. Networking groups bring people together to provide focused support, whether in terms of sharing contacts, ideas, expertise or experiences. In normal circumstances, what you share in a networking group is reserved for people you know very well. But networks can’t work effectively if no one gives to the process without some degree of implied trust.

For me, a classic example is people who join LinkedIn and then proceed to hide their network from the people they connect with. The whole purpose of LinkedIn is to share connections. If you have issues with implied trust, only connect to people you do trust. But be ready to share with them. Without that you are limiting the network’s effectiveness.

In May I attended NRG Metropolitan, a monthly networking group, for the first time. I already knew some of the people in the group and the organizers, which gave me a good start in terms of winning the trust of people there. I walked out of the meeting with three very promising meetings in the diary and congratulating myself on a job well done.

Initially I had just gone to the group to take a client who might find it useful to join and to see if I could recommend it. The three meetings were a bonus. Then I stopped to think.

I looked at the chemistry between the members there, which was clearly very strong. I recognised that the group was packed with strong networkers, who understood the value of helping each other. And I could see clearly that there was a high level of trust between the members.

It became clear to me that this group offered more if I committed to regular attendance. I also recognised that I would need to win the trust of the members there if I could achieve that potential, and it would need that commitment. I decided to join and attend regularly.

In June I went for the second time. Offered the opportunity to give a two minute presentation on my business, I told rather than sold, sharing some information about what I do without asking for anything in return. Between the meetings I had 1-2-1s with two of the members and arranged two more for the next month.

The aim is to build trust over time. I don’t go into the group expecting business or referrals straight away, but recognise that the potential in that group is huge if I commit and earn that trust.

It’s not that the group distrusts me, but I’m pretty sure that they don’t trust me. Not just yet anyway.

Networking Resolutions

This article originally appeared in The National Networker.


New Year has come and gone and all around the World talk inevitably turns to resolutions. Are you looking towards a slimmer you? Giving up smoking? Perhaps you have decided to dedicate more time to others.

It’s also a good time to sit back and review your networking. Is your current activity working for you? Are you in the right networks, getting the referrals you want for your business?

Take the time to check you are on the right track. Even the top networkers do it. I spoke to some of the UK’s leading networking experts and heads of networks to find out what they expect to happen in networking in 2009 and their own plans for the New Year.

As you might expect, the global economic climate featured heavily in their responses. It is commonly agreed on both sides of the Atlantic that many businesses will find the next twelve months very challenging and that networking is going to play a vital role in helping us to get through the trials and tribulations ahead.

Maggie Berry, Director of Women in Technology encapsulated the mood. “I think (or at least I hope) that people will be more open to getting themselves out there and networking face to face, to maintain and build up contacts during what is probably going to be a tough 2009.”

The need to be proactive and forge new relationships seems to be the key. Roy Sheppard, author of ‘Rapid Result Referrals’ and ‘Meet, Greet and Prosper’, said, “As the economy continues to toughen, maintaining and attracting new business will become more of a challenge for most companies.

“The best-connected people and organisations will be those most able to harvest those opportunities that will exist. Their investment in relationship building will bear fruit. I think we will see well-connected people and companies working far more collaboratively than ever before.

A positive and collaborative approach is the key for Sheppard. “Their mindset will be 'We're all in this together, so let's look out for each other'. More and more people will rely on referrals.”

Jackie Groundsell of women’s business network 1230 shares the belief that working with others is the key. “For everyone in business 2009 will certainly be an interesting and challenging time”, said Jackie.

“Many more people will be working remotely which can bring isolation and loneliness. Those who resolve to invest time in building and developing relationships with like-minded individuals will reap the benefits and still find plenty of opportunities to do business.”

With a large number of people facing redundancy in the New Year and unemployment levels set to reach their highest point for many years, expect to see more people set up in business on their own. This, according to Jackie, is going to make networking an even more vital tool. “Business will become more competitive and the rewards will be greater for those who share and work with others.”

Penny Power, co-founder of online network Ecademy, also feels that businesses are going to need to work much more closely together in order to thrive. Penny continued to highlight the importance of networks and referrals. “I feel that networking will be about hunting in packs, not as lone ‘cave men’”, said Penny.

“Collaboration will be the theme of many good networkers, looking for opportunities that feed a group of people not just themselves. If you exist in a good network, this will bring many opportunities your way, providing you do the same for others. Finding people in your network that share the same client base but deliver different solutions will ensure you uncover opportunities when they crop up.”

It’s not just for referrals that businesses need to be looking for opportunities to work together. According to Mike Roe, CEO of Chief Executive Groups Footdown, “At times like this people still need people, whether for critical information on how to tackle key issues, a bit of inspiration from time to time, or some relief from the isolation that being the ‘boss’ can create.

“Being in touch with other like minded people, or being challenged and stretched by people who might think in different ways will be as important this coming year as any year that has gone before.”

So where will people go to network? As I discussed in last month’s column, there are a number of challenges facing physical face-to-face networks, with a number of people looking to the benefits provided in cyberspace.

Brian Chernett, Chairman of the Academy for Chief Executives believes "’on line reputation’ will be key and a much better use of the internet, blogs and social networks such as Facebook will become the norm for all levels."

Author of “I Hate Networking” and networking skills expert Will Kintish sees the trend towards online networks continuing. “I think people in networking clubs who get very little from them (because they don’t understand the guidelines and principles) will give their membership up. The Kintish team will be spending a minimum of two hours every day searching Linkedin.

“When you understand how to use it, it is your greatest online networking friend ever.
In business there are two groups of people:

1 People we know like and trust
2 People who are targets we’d like to meet who know group 1.
“Ask Group 1 to introduce you to Group 2. They will do it readily. Linkedin is the tool to find both groups.”

Perhaps unsurprisingly, Penny Power also sees a positive future for online networks. “I am being told by many that offline networking is becoming increasingly tough for them to get to, going out the door costs money and we are now seeing huge growth in membership and traffic on Ecademy as a result.

“My resolution for 2009 is to find ways of delivering more knowledge over the internet using webinar and online conferencing tools to bring large groups together across the world online and teach them the power of the online tools and being part of an online community. This reduces the costs for people and increases the opportunity for learning and sharing.”

For others, relationship building forms the core of many top networkers’ new year resolutions. Not content to sit on their laurels and congratulate themselves on the networks they have already developed, they are focusing on how they can do better, both by extending their networks but also, importantly, deepening existing relationships.

Dave Clarke, CEO of networking lunch group NRG and author of the Business Networking Blog has resolved to focus on following up and developing existing relationships, while Roy Sheppard is promising to get more organized and finally invest in a business card scanner. My resolution is similar, involving using my scanner and finally getting a regular e-zine out to keep in touch with my growing network, along with more frequent calls to people I haven’t spoken to in a while.

Maggie Berry, meanwhile, intends to meet a more diverse group of people. “Because of what I do, I go to lots of women related events. This year I'd like to broaden the type of event that I attend - thereby pushing my own boundaries but hopefully meeting lots of interesting people along the way!”

Whatever you are doing at the moment, there’s no doubt that additional focus will lead to improvements. With tough economic times ahead of us, the consensus is that networks will become increasingly important, whether online or off. The New Year is a time for all of us to review what has worked for us so far, look at new opportunities and change our behaviour accordingly.

After all, if networking is working well for you at the moment, what would life look like if it suddenly got better?

The Perfect Referral

I recently spoke at a Success Day for Forever Living Products in Cheltenham. The event was the result of a referral from Dave Clarke of NRG Networks, and, more specifically, a regular meeting we have to see how we can help each other.

Having a referrals strategy is not as simple as asking people 'can you refer me?'. It involves a clear understanding of the introductions you are looking for, knowing who your 'Champions' are and communicating clearly enough to make it simple for them to help you.

In his 'Business Networking Blog', Dave has described how the referral came about from his point of view.

Are you getting enough referrals from your network? Are there people who you know would be willing to refer you but don't? In your referrals strategy, it is important to understand the perspective of your referrers, rather than just coming at it from your own angle. It's too easy to miss the importance of this and not see the wider picture.

Try asking your most likely referrers what they need in order to refer you. You might be surprised at the responses.