Big Networking Mistakes: Cutting someone out of the conversation

It's really quite easy to fall into the trap I suppose. The nervousness of attending your first networking event. The pressure to produce some results from that event. And the excitement of realising that you are speaking to someone who might just buy your services.

I'm sure we've all done the wrong thing at some point or another.

Last night I was at an industry networking event, speaking to a meeting planner I had previously met a month before. We were approached by a man who asked if he could join us and we welcomed him into our conversation, bringing him up to date with what we were talking about.

While we were chatting, our companion looked at our badges and worked out that my colleague was someone who could possible book him for events. Pretty soon, I found myself in the position of a spectator to a conversation I had previously been a part of as he described in detail what he and his colleagues did and how they differed from their competition (neatly putting each competitor down in turn). As he finished he asked for the meeting planner's card and offered his to her.

He then said goodbye, before turning back to me, smiling and bidding farewell.

It was interesting to see what he did, although I am sure he was not aware of it. Seeing pound signs, he shifted his body position to exclude me from the conversation and directed his words, and eye contact, purely at the meeting planner. I could have walked away and he wouldn't have noticed.

He took no time to find out about me, what I do or who I know. He could easily have snubbed his biggest potential customer, or strongest potential Champion. And all because he saw a clear 'target' in front of him.

How did the meeting planner feel? The answer is very uncomfortable. We spoke about it after he walked away. She felt conscious of me being excluded from the conversation and she didn't like the shift from a relaxed conversation to being the subject of a sales pitch.

I relate this not to criticise the person who pitched last night, but to highlight how easy it is to make this mistake. I am sure we're all guilty of it at some time, changing gears when we meet someone who might book us.

We need to be aware of the dangers of doing this; the risk of excluding others from conversation and of making people feel uncomfortable about our approach.

It's an easy trap to fall into and one to stay very conscious of.

Getting Emotional

After speaking at a recent event, one of the attendees was explaining how, in his view, despite the high intelligence and career achievements of many of the people present the majority of them had a low EQ, making it difficult for them to network effectively.

I had been acquainted with the idea of EQ instead of IQ, the power of emotional intelligence compared to what we traditionally classify as 'intellect', before. What I hadn't looked at before was its link to networking but surely there is a clear parallel.

When you look at the Wikepedia definition of EQ, as 'an ability, capacity, or skill to perceive, assess, and manage the emotions of one's self, of others, and of groups', the link becomes clearer. After all, doesn't one's ability to network depend on your interpersonal skills?

In her 'Brazen Careerist' blog, Penelope Trunk describes Emotional Intelligence as 'the one skill you need for three key areas of career growth'. Describing Emotional Intelligence as the way you differentiate yourself at work in the new millenium, Trunk refers to Drew Gilpin Faust, the first female president of Harvard. According to Trunk, Faust's key qualification for the job is her ability to communicate well with a wide range of people, a notable shift from qualification-focused appointees in the past.

Last night I attended a Women's Social Leadership Awards event run by Ogunte Tribal Network and hosted by BT's Women's Executive Network. One of the speakers, Sofia Bustamante, talked about the power of networking for her and how traditional hierachy was being erased. Sofia shared with the audience her dislike of CVs for people applying for jobs and how they didn't really address the individual's skills and abilities. For Sofia, emotional intelligence, the ability to connect with others, is far more importance than work references.

While I am sure we won't see a sudden shift to all appointments being made purely on the basis of interpersonal skills or CVs being thrown out of the window; what is becoming clear is that the ability to make connections, develop rapport with individuals and with groups and to build a network is becoming more vital for people who either want to develop careers or build their own business.

Formal qualifications and functional ability remain important and will continue to be a key factor in career development. Accelerating personal achievement, however, will depend increasingly on the ability to connect with others, which is helped by strong emotional intelligence.

Penelope Trunk reference's Dan Pink's work 'A Whole New Mind' in her blog. In his book, Pink predicts the workplace of the new millennium will be about how people make connections.

“Key abilities will not be high tech but high touch.”