A Question of Trust : A Conversation with Vanessa Hall Part Two

This article originally appeared in The National Networker

Last month I introduced you to Vanessa Hall, the award-winning speaker and author of Trust in Business. Vanessa outlined her model for understanding the foundations of trust and what you need to do to maintain trust in business relationships and ensure it doesn't erode and destroy relationships.

In the second part of the interview I asked Vanessa to elaborate on the role of trust in referral relationships and how to approach referrals with trust in mind.

A: In my new book I’ve been talking about how a trusted introduction can help a salesperson reach their prospect far more easily than cold calling and trying to get past the ‘gatekeeper’. Clearly that’s valuable for the salesperson, but how can the person passing the referral protect the trust they have with the prospect?

V: One of the key things about referred trust that I talk about is understanding both the benefits but also the risks involved, so we have to be quite careful when we’re referring someone else to somebody with whom we have a trust relationship.  This is where my theory of situational trust comes in as well. One of the important things which a lot of people don’t do when they’re giving referrals is to understand in what situation or what context does their trust relationship with this person exist.

Often what happens, for example, is that I might know somebody through the fact that our kids play soccer together. There’s a trust relationship that’s been built around picking up kids, dropping them off, those sorts of things. There’s still a trust there, but it’s very specific to that particular situation. If I refer somebody into that person, somebody else with whom I have an element of trust, but they’re looking for a business type referral, the person who we’re referring them to trusts me more from a social context. If I’m not clear about who this person is that I’m referring them to and why I’m referring them you can actually open yourself up to some confusion.

In understanding the situational trust that exists between two people we can also begin to develop and understand the expectations that we have, and the expectations that the person referring into them might have as well. The process of referrals works much better when you acknowledge the trust relationship that you have and then communicate the context of that contact.

Often what people do is refer people and then leave the relationship up to them but I’ve been caught out a number of times.  Just giving a contact is not enough if we want to build trust. If we don’t frame it properly, not only is the relationship not bridged between this new person and the contact but it can also damage the relationship between that person and you – the person who’s giving the referral in the first place.

A: Framing is vital. I talk a lot about ‘qualified’ and ‘unqualified’ referrals, based on the relationship you have with someone. You may, for example, pass a ‘qualified’ referral to someone you have only just met, by making that clear to the prospect. Where you know and trust the person you are referring though, the referral is ‘unqualified’. You are clearly recommending their services, by saying for example, “talk to this person, they’re superb’. 

How much time do you spend following up the introductions you make to ensure both parties are working well together? 

V: I like to know and I always ask for feedback whenever I’ve given a referral because there are a number of referrals made and if one of them doesn’t work for some reason then I have to sit back and ask what’s happening in this process. Am I not connecting the right people or am I building up an expectation that’s not being delivered?  What’s actually going on?

If you never ask for that feedback you simply don’t know.  You just keep referring people and sometimes you can really end up wasting a lot of people’s time if you’ve not done it properly, so I certainly look for feedback.

Just going back to your point before about when you say, for instance, talk to this person, they’re superb, what can happen in making a statement like that is you can certainly build up an expectation but there’s also an implied promise.  I talk about the difference between implicit and explicit promises, there’s an implied promise – the minute you give somebody a referral, there’s a very good chance that this is going to turn into a business referral, which to me is the implied promise that can break down trust more quickly.

So in not being clear about that and making a simple statement like “this person’s fantastic” or “they’re a real go-getter” or “they’re really friendly” or whatever, you’ve made an implied promise and built up an expectation in that person’s mind about how their interaction might play out, and if it doesn’t play out exactly in the way they expect and the way they believe it was promised to them and it doesn’t meet their needs then their trust in you can break down very quickly.

It’s about respecting the trust that you have and I talk about handling it with care. I compare trust to an egg, it can break very easily so you need to handle that trust very carefully and respect it for what it is.
It’s a gift when people trust you.

A :  Would you introduce someone you’ve only just met to somebody who is a very important client of yours?

V: If I’ve got a very strong sense about the person, but again I’d make it very clear that I’ve only just met them, and I can’t vouch for them other than I’ve got a sense that they were nice, or the right sort of person, but yes I certainly do qualify it in your terms.

A:  Do you find yourself from holding back from introductions that you could make until you feel the trust is at the right level?

V: Yes definitely. I think to some extent it depends on the nature of the contacts. For example, the more work that I do in senior government levels and with people connected with the UN, a lot of people want to know the people who I know. I don’t believe it’s my place to just suddenly open the doors and pour all these people to them, so it’s also being clear about what’s the nature of the relationship between me and these other people and what are their expectations in terms of protecting that relationship too.

It’s a difficult one, because on the one hand you certainly want to help people and help their business to grow and networks continue to increase, and I love connecting people but there is an element of – you know – I’d really love to understand more about you as a person and what you are trying to achieve; what’s the goal?

And what are you expecting out of this connection as well, because I’ve seen it go terribly wrong in many situations

A: You talked about referred trust, you talked about situational trust, can you just explain the other types of trust in your model?

V: In the book I talk about blind trust. With blind trust we jump in, we don’t think about what we’re expecting, about what we need, and we don’t articulate that. And so what happens in a blind trust situation is we are often left quite disappointed and we often blame the other person. But we had a role to play in that by obviously not being clear about what we expected out of this relationship, this interaction and what we need? You should also ask can this person actually promise to deliver on those, are you trusting the right person for the outcome you are looking for?

I talk about sceptical trust, which is the opposite.  We’re very, very clear about our expectations and we want to get right down to the nitty gritty detail before we step into the trust relationship. Very, very clear about our expectations, very clear about our needs, We’ll only trust somebody who will 100% promise to meet those.
I talk about middle ground. There’s a balance between those two, both of them can work very well in some situations but both of them can be very detrimental so there’s a middle ground there. We have to articulate and be clear about our expectations and needs and be sure that the person we’re dealing with can make promises to deliver that.

We can’t go down to the nth degree and people can’t always promise every little detail and so there is a point where we have to step into the relationship but by understanding the model of trust we can also continue to communicate effectively as well.

Networking Video Tip: What do people say about you?

In the last video tip we talked about the importance of it not being just what you know or who you know, but who knows you.

Successful networking also depends on what people say about you when you are not there, something we perhaps put too little thought into.

I discuss this further in this video:

Networking Video Tip: Building Successful Relationships

I am often asked how you develop strong relationships with people you meet at networking events. I answer the question in this video:

CONNECTING IS NOT ENOUGH: Ten Tips to get your referral message across (Part Two)

 This article originally appeared in The National Networker

In last month’s first five tips we looked at the importance of knowing exactly the help you need when asking your network for referrals, and how to make specific requests that people respond to.

The type of information you share, the language you use and your consistency are also key, as we now go on to explore.


Tip Number Six - Keep it simple


People so often succumb to the temptation to load their champions with information to help them refer us. We want them to recognise every possible opportunity and answer every objection we can see coming.

Remember two things. First of all, they are simply our gatekeepers, making the introduction. They are not there to sell for us. Secondly, the more you give people to remember, the more they have to forget

Try using ‘The Twitter Measure’. Put your message into 140 characters. Edit, edit and edit some more. Does it still make sense? Could someone understand who you want to talk to and why?

Be brutal with your information. What do people NEED to know? Ensure you give them just enough to initiate the connection and then pass the rest to you.

Also consider their own background. Champions from your own industry or related areas may well need or be able to deal with more information than a friend who has the right connections but who doesn’t necessarily understand what’s involved.


Tip Number Seven - People love a story


Once you have worked out what your message is and the key information people need to understand, make it easier for them to do so by wrapping it up in a story. Case studies bring ideas to life and also add credibility to your request, proving you've solved similar problems successfully in the past and it’s not just an idea or concept.

Case studies also help people understand how to recognise a prospect and how you work with them to overcome their challenges and put the theory into context. Not only that but they are memorable and more easily recalled and repeated.


Tip Number Eight - Avoid Jargon


This is the trap that we can all easily fall into. It’s all so easy to lapse into words, phrases and references that we understand as part of our everyday language but which make no sense to people from outside our industry.

Do you know what terms you use that are jargon for someone else? Take the ‘Ten Year Old Test’. Tell a ten year old child what you do and then ask them to explain it back to you. Finding out how much they have been able to understand and relate back will give you a good indication of how well you are getting your message across.

The difference between a child and an adult is that the child will ask you if they don’t understand something. Adults are frightened of looking foolish and are more likely to nod politely and then take no action because they’ve missed the point than ask you to explain terms they’ve not understood.

Tailor your message to the person's experience. If it’s someone from your industry you can be far more complex in your explanations than someone who doesn’t have the relevant experience.


Tip Number Nine – Help people learn over time


As we’ve already discussed in a couple of these tips, you don't have to get everything across in one go. If you have someone who wants to refer you and has ample opportunity to do so, you’ll have plenty of time to educate them and help them to see a host of possibilities.

The fear of missing out on opportunities can lead to us trying to get across all of our products, services and prospects at the same time. However, focus on one request at a time and let people build up their understanding of how to help you gradually. Each individual request you make and referral they pass will build their knowledge.


Tip Number Ten - Manage how you are perceived


Help people to refer you by managing your reputation effectively. We often talk about ‘it’s not what you know but who you know.’ But I would argue that it’s far more important to be aware of who knows you and what they say about you.

What do you want people to say about you? We started off by looking at knowing who you would most like to be introduced to. It’s also vital that you understand what your general message and image should be. Focus on who you want people to be talking to about you, what you want them to be saying and how you can build the right public image.

Consistency is the key to ensuring that the right message is repeated. Whether that’s ensuring that your message and conversations are consistent with each other or your appearance and actions are consistent with the image and reputation you crave, you need to make sure everything fits.




Look at how you are getting your message out there at present and consider changes you could make using the ideas outlined above. If you’re not getting sufficient referrals at the moment, find two or three things you can change immediately and put them into place.

Approach people and ask for referrals. Be specific in your requests and keep the information simple and easy to understand. Put these ideas into practice and watch your flow of referrals increase with ease.

Why some networking events may not be right for you

I've been to two networking events this week that have got me thinking. I constantly stress the importance of understanding why you are going to networking events if you want to make the most from them. That awareness can direct your planning, your behaviour at the event and your follow up and lead to much stronger results.

What I rarely talk about, however, is the understanding of why other people are there and respecting that. If your reason for attending doesn't match other people's it may well be the wrong event for you.

On Monday I was invited to attend an event at a major investment bank with a view to making some interesting new connections. Predominantly for clients of that bank, the prime purpose for most people attending was to listen to the bank's strategist talk about prospects for the year ahead and look for advice about their investments.

Although there was a 30 minute 'networking' period before the speaker began, many people simply took a seat, others waited for colleagues, while other attendees sought out their contacts from the bank. Approaching individuals wasn't a comfortable experience and in some cases was met with a less than warm front.

Yesterday I spoke at a breakfast meeting for businesses in the East London area. Organised by Bernie Mitchell, a local character well-known for his love of networking and enthusiasm in encouraging others to connect, people came primarily to network. Yes, there were also speakers at this event but it was the connections that were the main driver for many of those attending. Even those who came to hear the speakers were also aware of the networking opportunity, and open to approaches.

I'm not criticising attendees at the event on Monday. The fact is they had a different agenda to people on Thursday. Attending Monday's event with a view to building new contacts could only lead in the main to disappointment, or a lot of very hard work and rejection.

Once you have established your focus for an event, look to see if it is the right match. If your goal from attending a networking event is to meet new people, ask yourself why other people are attending. If their agenda is different to yours and they just want to hear the speaker or catch up with existing contacts, it may be worth adjusting your goals (as I did on Monday) or choosing to attend a different event.

CONNECTING IS NOT ENOUGH: The Anatomy of a Referral (Part Three)

This article originally appeared in The National Networker


You are surrounded by people who have frequent opportunities to refer you and who would be delighted to help you, yet you rarely, if ever, receive referrals from them. In the cases where they do make introductions they tend to be far from the connections you’ve been looking for.

Why should this be? Surely if you have a network of people who will help, your word of mouth marketing should be simple?

The problem is that attracting good quality referrals takes a strong degree of focus and planning. You do have the tools and resources at your disposal, but you have to understand how to use them. After reading the last two articles in this series you should by now have a clear idea of what you are looking for in a referral and who to turn to for help. Once you have inspired those people to want to help you, the next step is to educate them so that they understand how.


Out of the picture

We talked in Part One of this series about the quality of a true referral. The person referring you (your ‘champion’) has spoken about you to someone who may be in need of your services. That person is interested in hearing from you and is waiting for your call.

If your champion is going to be able to get the prospective client interested in hearing from you, they need to know enough about your business to make a strong case. They need to recognise that your prospect has a problem that you are able to solve and have a reasonable understanding of how you solve that issue and the benefits that result.

Remember, most of the time you will not be there when they have the conversation. You have to consider yourself to be out of the picture. If you are going to educate your champions effectively, you have to be able to pre-empt the conversations they will have with your prospects without you there.

Very often you may ask for referrals to people and explain why you want to meet them. This is despite the fact that those people have no interest in why you want to meet them at all. They don’t know you and have no buy-in to meeting your needs. Instead, they are focused on what they need and what they want.

If your champions are going to be able to get them to want to meet you, therefore, they need a message that will be relevant to that person. Identify what their problems are and provide evidence that you may be the person with the solution and they’ll be interested.


Simple, sticky and transferable

Armed with the knowledge that you need your champions to have conversations about you when you’re not around, the temptation may be strong to give them as much information as possible, so that they couldn’t possibly forget anything.

Whatever you do, avoid this temptation! The more you give people to remember, the more they’ll have to forget. Keep your message simple.

In a workshop I ran a few years ago I was developing a sixty-second referral presentation with an image consultant. As local elections were approaching, I suggested focusing her request on referrals to people in politics. After all, we are often told how important image is in making first impressions and if you want your political message heard it is important to ensure your appearance appeals to your target demographic.

We crafted a straightforward request based on an easy to understand premise. People listening to the message would think of people they knew in politics and feel comfortable approaching them on the image consultant’s behalf, with a strong message that would be easy to understand.

Unfortunately, when it came to testing the presentation on the group in the workshop, the image consultant succumbed to temptation. She didn’t want to leave any opportunity untapped, and, while asking for introductions to people involved in local politics, also asked for Entrepreneurs, Chief Executives, Sales Directors and any other possible client she could think of.

When tested, no-one in the group remembered anything specific about her presentation, particularly that she wanted to meet people involved in local politics.

Focus in on who you want to meet when you ask people for referrals. If you’re being specific in your request, you can paint a clear picture of the conversation that will follow. What is that person/organisation’s specific problem? How would you approach it? What will happen as a result? Stick to answering those questions, keeping everything very simple.

Have you worked with people with similar issues in the past? If so, share a story that answers the three questions listed above. People love to hear case studies; they bring your business to life and make it so much more understandable to those outside your industry.

As well as being simple, your message needs to stick in people’s minds and be easy for them to repeat to possible clients for you. The more convoluted your message, the harder it is for people to remember and to pass on accurately.


Tracking the results

Once you have the basics of a good referral strategy in place, take it to another level by including it in your business planning.

Set up a spreadsheet of your top introducers and make a note of who they know, how you are inspiring them and referrals they have promised or you have requested. As referrals come in, attribute them to the appropriate champion and track your follow up, make sure you stay on top of the game.

By keeping a note of all activity, you can keep your champions involved, letting them know how you are proceeding with the introductions they have passed and thanking them when they are successful. You should be just as focused on giving them feedback when they don’t work out, both to keep them informed and to help them understand how to pass successful referrals to you.

One advantage of tracking referral activity is the ability to see who your best referral sources are and what inspires them to refer you. You can then both make sure you keep them engaged and also replicate that behaviour with others.

Additionally, when someone stops referring you, it will be clear by looking at your spreadsheet. Where a referrals strategy doesn’t exist it might be months before you realise that you haven’t had a referral from or spoken to someone who had previously introduced you to a lot of new business. It can then often be embarrassing to go back to that person after a long period.

One of the exercises I ran when working with one of the major banks was to ask each delegate to make a list of people who had previously referred them but hadn’t done so for a while. I then asked them to call one person on that list and reignite the relationship.

Several of the delegates found that their previous champion had assumed that the delegate had left the bank or moved onto another job as they hadn’t heard from them for so long, and on more than one occasion they offered a new referral during that telephone call. How much business had been referred elsewhere in the meantime?

Another advantage of tracking your referrals behaviour is that it allows you to forecast the level of business coming in from future referrals. Once you have a system in place that consistently produces good quality referrals, it is easier to predict and guide future behaviour.

It’s all a long way from the manufacturing company I mentioned at the beginning of this series who track every source of new business other than referrals, and who had not seen a genuine referral in at least eighteen months. Having implemented an effective referral system, they can now look forward to a regular, predictable flow of referrals, spend time in meetings with champions rather than cold-calling unproductively, and see the business turn into a profitable concern once more.

When are you going to start?


If you’d like to get started with a free ten question survey to find out how effective your current referral strategy is and a ‘Referral Book’ spreadsheet to track referral activity, please email me at andy@lopata.co.uk

CONNECTING IS NOT ENOUGH: The Anatomy of a Referral (Part Two)

This article originally appeared in The National Networker

Referrals should be the backbone of the development strategy in many businesses, but few approach the key skill of asking for referrals with the necessary understanding of what they are asking for, who to ask and how to track results.

In The Anatomy of a Referral Part One I talked about a client of mine whose lack of the knowledge outlined above has had a severe impact on their bottom line. We looked at what a referral is, in comparison to other types of business information such as recommendations and leads. And we discussed the impact referrals can have on the way you work and the results you get from the activity of your sales team.

We now need to move on and investigate where referrals come from, before next month, moving on to how to educate the people who are going to refer you, to make it as easy as possible for them to make the connections you are looking for.


Who do you ask?

If you are going to build a strong referral strategy, you need to recognise who your Champions or Advocates are going to be.

To do this, you need a firm understanding of the principle of Six Degrees of Separation. This phrase, coined by social psychologist Stanley Milgram in the US in 1967, has caught the imagination of people across the World, leading to films and games with the same title. In short, the theory suggests that we are no more than five steps from anyone in the World.

For example, I recently wanted to source a signed Chicago Cubs jersey as a present for my cousin’s son. One of my contacts in the UK introduced me to his sister, who works in a senior position in the White House. In one simple introduction I was one step from the President of the United States!

You won’t necessarily want such high level connections, but if you have a clear idea of who is in your network and who they are connected to, it becomes much easier to recognise the routes you need to the connections you seek.

In another case, a participant on one of my workshops talked about me and introduced me to the father of one of the boys on the kids’ football team he coached. That father was the Sales Director for one of the World’s leading airlines.

Most companies who do have a referral strategy of any kind tend to focus on their existing clients, which is a sensible place to start. After all, there are two key elements that make people comfortable referring you. They need to have trust in both you and your product, and they need to understand your services and why people would want to talk to you. Who better to ask than your clients, people who hopefully have both of those elements in place?

Interestingly, however, the most popular time to ask a client for a referral is when they have just bought from you. At that stage I would argue that, although they have shown an element of trust by parting with money for your support, that trust is based on what you have told them, not on their personal experiences.

Surely the best time to ask for referrals is later on in your relationship, when they have witnessed the power of what you do and the impact on their business or life?

I discussed this point in a meeting with one company recently. They admitted that they asked new clients for referrals as a matter of course when they signed them up, but couldn’t recall a single instance of going back to those clients to ask again after delivery, or when their relationship had developed. As we discussed this they realised how nonsensical their current approach was.


Break out of narrow thinking

My concern is that most companies who focus on just asking their clients for referrals miss so many opportunities through such narrow thinking. They are not tapping into the support available from the people closest to them and with the greatest vested interest in their success.

During the workshop I ran with the manufacturing company I wrote about last month, the Managing Director suddenly realised that in the eighteen months he had worked for the company he had not recognised that a connection to a dream client was the person closest to him. As we talked about possible referral sources, he thought of his wife, who works in a senior position for a company who has the exact need for his company’s products.

Interestingly enough his wife had recognised the same opportunity at the same time. As he was talking about the possible connection in the workshop, she was talking to her colleagues about inviting him into the company to tell them more about what he could offer!

This wasn’t an unusual outcome from a workshop. On another occasion, a Deputy Regional Director for a major bank went out at the break and called his brother-in-law to ask for referrals. He had never asked before, or even thought of doing so, yet he walked back into the room with three promised introductions and the business relationship developed from there.

Why do we have such an obstacle about asking our family and friends for support? There is a reticence to cross the ‘line’ between personal and business lives. That is understandable but that line is becoming increasingly blurred as people make friends through their networks and realise the power of connecting people.

Besides, who decides where the line should be drawn and how thick it is? It’s absolutely right that you shouldn’t force your business problems on friends or family; I remember sitting stupefied through a friend’s flipchart Amway presentation when I was eighteen. But how would you feel if you found out that a friend’s business had folded and you could have helped; but they never asked?

A friend of mine recently found out what I do for a living, after knowing each other for fifteen years or more. We go to football together and never discussed work. It was only through becoming Facebook Friends that he started to see what my business is. He was mortified to realise that his firm had been working with one of my competitors for five years instead of with me!


The danger of pigeon-holing

In a coaching session last year with a web designer, we talked about the different people who could possibly refer him. One key place to start is with people who understand your business well (remember the importance of trust and understanding discussed above) and who are talking to similar customers about similar issues.
I asked my client if he used a printing company in his business and whether that printer regularly visits his office and chats with the team when he is there. As expected, the answer was yes on all counts.

I then asked where the printer would go when he wasn’t with my client or at his own premises. Of course he wasn’t just visiting one client; he was out and about going to deliver to a number of companies and getting to know their business and their challenges. Not only that but he was surely in a great position to refer a web designer as he would be talking to clients about their marketing and about changes in their business which required new print work. Such changes would often impact on their web strategy too.

So, had the web designer ever asked the printer for help with introductions and referrals? Of course not! Not only had he never had the discussion, the printer had just had a new website done and hadn’t invited my client to tender.

The reason for this was quite simple, the printer saw the designer as a client and the designer saw the printer as a supplier. These pigeon-holed positions dictated the conversations they had and the way they thought of each other. Yet surely the printer had a vested interest in supporting the web designer and helping his business grow. After all, the more successful the designer, the more work the printer would get and, hopefully, the more punctually the printer would pay his bills!

You are surrounded by a network of people who can help you. But if you are like most people, you are pigeon-holing them into particular relationships. Understanding how to develop a network of Champions starts with unraveling those relationships and recognizing that they all potentially have a network which could support you.

Look to friends and family, industry peers, clients, suppliers and social groups for people who could potentially refer you. Identify who has the greatest levels of trust in you, who wants to refer you the most, who understands your business and can recognise opportunities for you and who mixes in the right circles, talking about the right subjects giving them the opportunities to refer.

Make life easy for yourself and draw up a list of five or ten people drawn from all of these groups. People who you think may either be motivated to or positioned to refer you. You can then focus on building the levels of trust and understanding, working out the connections they have in their network and building these people into your team of Champions. Start with this group before adding to it.

In next month’s article we’ll take this group and look at how you educate those people so that they find it easy to make connections for you and become effective sources of new business for you. In the meantime, think about what you need to do to inspire them to want to do so and how you can help them first.

CONNECTING IS NOT ENOUGH: When Week is Strong

This article originally appeared in The National Networker

How often do you interact personally with your customers? Whether it’s working directly with them, speaking to them on the phone, visiting their offices. If you’re not in regular direct contact there’s a good chance it’s impacting on your ability to either upsell to them or to inspire them to refer you.

A couple of weeks ago I Chaired The Retail Conference in London. One of the speakers was Hamish Paton, the Commercial Director of Brighthouse Stores.

Despite having a presence across the UK, Brighthouse may not be a name you recognise. You won’t find a Brighthouse in the main shopping centres or streets of any of our major cities. Instead, their stores are situated in the suburbs, within three miles and easy access of their main customer base.

Location genuinely is vital for Brighthouse, because their customers need to visit them every week. In a business model more common to the US than the UK, Brighthouse customers purchase products and pay for them on a weekly basis over a period of time, normally three years, without the need for credit checks.

With the theme of the Conference being responsiveness and adaptability, it was no surprise when one of the questions directed at Hamish after his presentation was whether Brighthouse had considered changing their model with the times, bringing in monthly payment by Direct Debit or internet purchase.

Russell’s response was very interesting. Brighthouse had considered such moves but had dismissed them for two reasons.

The first is that the Direct Debit/Monthly payment market is very different and one where Brighthouse don’t necessarily understand the customers and their needs as well as they do their established market. They currently service a much needed niche and feel that it is better to build on their expertise than try to dilute it through diversification.

Secondly, Hamish sees tremendous value in the weekly connection with their customers.

“Our staff are counselors”, Hamish told the Conference. “They get to know their customers well and if someone misses a payment, the first thing they will do is work with them to get them back on track.

“If someone doesn’t turn up one week we will call them to find out what the problem is and see how they can be helped. That personal relationship is absolutely vital and we wouldn’t be able to provide the same service, or enjoy the same interaction, if people paid automatically through Direct Debit.”

After Hamish’s response, I asked him how much of Brighthouse’s business comes through up selling to existing customers. The answer was an astonishing 80%, a particularly impressive statistic when you consider that Brighthouse advertise on prime time television, including a sponsor slot on the Australian soap opera Home and Away.

Equally revealing was Hamish’s response to my next question. Despite their advertising strategy, 40% of Brighthouse’s new business comes through referral from existing customers.

With retail having a very transactional business model, many retailers will be much less dependent on direct referrals from customers than other industries. I asked the audience how many of them could boast a similar or greater rate of referrals from the existing customer base. Not one person raised their hand.

Yet Brighthouse have a strong focus on winning those referrals, and the opportunity to both ask their customers and remind them of the request. They operate an incentive scheme which rewards both the customer making the referral and the new customer signing up with them. That incentive scheme is featured on in-store promotions and in the pack that new customers receive, but it is the weekly meetings that make the difference.

“When customers make their payment each week, our team take the time and speak to them,” Hamish said. “We try to engage them as much as possible; we call it ‘till talk’. We train our staff to have a conversation with our customers rather than just process a transaction.

“One of the really unusual things about our business is that the customers and staff know each other by first name and greet each other outside the shop as well. We have a coffee machine in store and sometimes people just come in for a chat.

“Our staff are genuinely members of the local community, and there are very few places on the high street where you can walk in and expect people to know your name.”

The growth of internet solutions, remote banking and autoresponders has moved businesses away from our customers in recent years. We increasingly find ways to provide solutions without the personal touch. While there are very strong commercial arguments for developing such a strategy, are we in danger of losing the personal touch?

Surely the less we see and speak to our clients the weaker the bond between us becomes. That can impact a business not just in terms of reduced customer loyalty and the ability to sell more to them, but it also reduces the opportunity to ask them to refer us to others. Among the conversations Brighthouse staff have with their customers, they will regularly remind them of their referral incentive scheme and ask for their help.

It’s the relationship that makes that possible, and for Brighthouse that’s built through weekly contact with their customers. How many of us can say the same?

"Do you Come Here Often?" The ten best (and worst) ways to start a networking conversation

Following a recent comment on this blog, I promised to suggest some good icebreakers to start conversations at networking events.

Rather than just share my own thoughts, I thought I would poll a few of you and find out how you go about it. I asked the question on Twitter, on my Facebook page and through my newsletter. Thank you for all of the responses, with a diverse and interesting range of approaches and stories being sent in.

1 - What do you do?

One of the most common suggestions was to ask the question "What do you do?". Regular readers may know that this approach is one of my pet hates! To me, "what do you do?" is the networking equivalent of asking an attractive woman "do you come here often?" when you see her in a bar! You're not genuinely interested in the answer, it's just a way to get chatting.

In other words, it's an icebreaker, and that's fine. After all, icebreakers are what we are discussing here. However, do you really want "what do you do?" to be asked of you as an icebreaker, when the person asking isn't interested in the response? I know I don't. I want people to have a genuine interest when they ask me that, based on having got to know me and a desire to know more. However generous our spirit when we attend events, we are rarely in that position as soon as we approach people.

Let's focus on building the relationship with people first, find out who we have a rapport with and develop that before worrying about what each of us does. This approach comes from a belief that you pursue the relationship, not the sale, when networking and knowing what comes first.

2 - You had me at 'Hello'

There is a danger that we can spend too much time worrying about how to open a conversation and practising great icebreakers, overcomplicating a very simple process.

Fellow Twitter user David C Nicoll says "'Hello' works very well for me'" and often it is as straightforward as approaching someone and introducing yourself.

Newsletter subscriber John MacMillan agrees. "I've always found "Hello, I'm John McMillan" works as an introduction for me. (Remember 'The name's Bond, James Bond'?) I've had advice to make small talk first. Personally I'm bad at small talk. I guess what really matters is what YOU find comfortable."

Small talk shouldn't be too difficult if you can follow up that 'hello' with some interesting questions and build the conversation from there. As a simple technique to start a conversation, however, a simple 'hello' and introduction is hard to beat.

3 - You look like you've had enough!

Arvind Devalia commented on my Facebook page about how he likes to share his suffering! "If a person looks bored, I say something like 'You look like you have had enough too!' Good one towards the end of the event."

Although I wouldn't encourage anyone to go out to be deliberately negative (and I know Arvind wouldn't either), if someone genuinely looks fed up and you're offering to rescue them, that's certainly a good rapport builder. Make sure you turn the conversation to a positive subject quickly though, and I would also strongly suggest that you know they're not the host before approaching them!

4 - People don't network for solitude

It often pays to look for people who are standing on their own, after all it's unlikely that they've chosen to attend a networking event because they want their own space. Approach them and ask if you can join them, they're probably nervous about approaching strangers and you will be doing them a big favour.

There are always exceptions to prove the rule, however. Another contributor on my Facebook page, Jacey Lamerton, got an unexpected response when she tried this at one event. "I once went up to the only other lone person at an event and said: 'Hi, I'm Jacey and I don't know anyone here either.' He turned to me and said 'Oh I know everyone in the room. I just don't want to speak to anyone.'

"What a killer. What makes it even funnier (looking back) is that it was Rodney Bewes from The Likely Lads!"

5 - You look successful....

Back to Twitter responses, and an interesting one from Neville Spiers. I'm not sure if Neville's suggestion is slightly tongue in cheek when he proposes the opener of "you look hugely successful - come and talk to me!" I certainly hope so! However, he has touched on a very good approach, which has been picked up by two other respondents, and that is....

6 - Pay them a compliment

Both Elaine Hanzak and Jacey Lamerton wrote about the benefits of complimenting someone's choice of clothing or accessory. Elaine said, "From a female point of view one of the easiest ways to initiate conversation with another woman is to compliment her on an item of clothing, bag, etc (maybe not a necklace!!). It creates instant warmth and a smile."

Similarly, Jacey also finds this approach useful, particuarly as she is a style coach, so slightly sneaky!

7 - The name game

Speaker and Author Mindy Gibbbins-Klein, who used to be an Area Director for BNI, sent me her top tip for opening conversations at networking events.

"Find someone wearing a name badge and say their name out loud. "Christina, is it?" This simple approach has so many advantages. 1) They will say 'yes', which is a good way to start a conversation; 2) They will feel good because people like hearing their own name (unless you've mispronounced it, in which case they will correct you and you can try again); and 3) You probably need to say their name a few times to remember it, so you have one under your belt already!"

Dale Carnegie said 'The sweetest sound to any man is the sound of his own name'. Repeating people's names when you first meet them helps to create a warmth and, as Mindy says, makes it easier for you to remember later on.

8 - Eating out

More than one person pointed out the fact that everyone at some point gravitates towards the food or to the bar. Many conversations are struck up in those areas, as people move away from groups and are open to fresh connections.

I wouldn't suggest hanging out there all evening though, it's a sure way to break your diet and people might get the wrong impression about you!

9 - It's all we English talk about!

We Brits seem to have a reputation for talking about the weather or the traffic and I think there's a good reason for that. We know that we share them in common.

One of the main reasons I urge people not to ask 'What do you do?' is because you can't guarantee that the response will be something you can relate to. However, disastrous journey stories and discussions about the weather seem to have a knack of opening new conversations.

Speak about the journey and you can find where someone has come from and the conversation can take a range of directions from there.

Newsletter subscriber Katrina Dixon seems to be intent on creating horror journey stories for when she finally reaches her destination. "I went to the London Chambers Lunch Event yesterday and my opening concerned the venue, as I foolishly decided to drive to the Novotel Excel and couldn't find the place! With no SatNav, I almost gave up and went home!

"This morning I went to BNI and my opening was again about my journey as I discovered as I got on the tube that I had forgotten my phone!

"These openings perhaps don't reflect well on my organisational skills, but I guess I'm leaning towards a circumstantial opening about the journey/venue etc these days. They seemed to break the ice anyway."

10 - Do you come here often?

Finally, believe it or not, this is my favourite, as Tweeter Emma Fryer puts it "the old classic 'Do you come here often?'" It may not be that effective as a chat up line in bars (maybe that's why I'm single!)but it's a great question to ask at networking events.

You may not use those exact words but asking people if they are a member of the network, if they are a first time guest, who invited them or why they have come along can create a very positive conversation. You are likely to find out things in common, such as reasons for being there, people you both know, similar experiences of other networks.

After all, isn't that what you're trying to achieve? Building relationships means finding rapport and finding things in common. Asking people what they do doesn't guarantee that, but asking about something you know you have in common, such as the event you are at, will at least get you off to the right start.

From there on in, it's down to you. Once you have broken the ice carrying on with the conversation means listening carefully, asking questions and showing a genuine interest in the other person. It's good to give yourself a positive start though.

The Need for Greed

One of the key underlying principles of networking is the mantra introduced by Dr. Ivan Misner across BNI Groups worldwide. The principle of 'Givers Gain' dictates that you must be focused on giving to your network first and the rewards will follow and it is one that I agree with.

Sometimes, however, it's possible to go too far.

A good friend of mine is a case in point. He has a tremendous reputation for his generosity. He is always looking to help others and goes out of his way to be amenable. This is despite the fact that his own business is struggling and he really needs to focus on his needs first. He said to me recently that if he doesn't win more business in the next month he may have to find employment and shelve his company.

It is possible that his amenability is a actually a cause of his own struggle. My friend is so focused on seeking opportunities to help other people he forgets to ask for help for himself, or doesn't recognise opportunities for himself when they come along.

Last week I said to him that I was going to introduce someone who could be very helpful in opening some important doors for his business. As soon as I described some of the projects this contact was working on, my friend began to list who he knew who could help on those projects.

"That's tremendous", I said. "But this is a connection for you and your business. You need to focus on that initially, don't lose the opportunity.

"I know you're right", he said. "But I'm not greedy."

"You've spend the last twelve years not being greedy. Maybe that's one reason you're so needy".

My friend has been so focused over the years on helping other people, not only has he not asked for the help he needs, when a new introduction has come his way he has been more focused on who else could benefit from the new contact than focus on his own needs.

He has a bank of people who he has helped and who would love to help him, but he doesn't feel comfortable asking for their help. As a result, they cannot recognise the right opportunities for him and he is struggling.

Givers Gain works on the understanding that your network will want to help you if you continue to help them. That only works, however, if they understand how to help you and if you accept that help when it comes your way.

It's fine not to be greedy, but not to the extent it leaves you needy.

CONNECTING IS NOT ENOUGH: Will you be my Friend?

This article originally appeared in The National Networker


Have you experienced that strange sensation recently? A feeling of importance, of celebrity, of previously unmatched popularity. It’s the feeling that the lucky kids at school all understood but that the rest of us could only dream of.

All of a sudden everyone wants to be your friend.

From Facebook to LinkedIn, from Plaxo to Fastpitch and from Xing to Friendster, people are asking to be friends. And they’re not just people we know, have met or who share mutual friends. They are people from all over the World, with varied backgrounds and different interests. Yet they all want to be our friends and share in our lives.

Do you embrace each and every one of these new-found friends? Or do you find something uncomfortable and disconcerting about all of these requests from strangers?

Once you have befriended them, your popularity knows no-bounds. They want to follow you to every party you go to, and want to invite you to the ones they’re attending. All of a sudden you are a member of countless social networks…….and your network is the same on each one!

There are many people who embrace this method of networking. They believe that the more people you connect with, the broader your network, the more successful you are. For the more extreme, they count success in terms of ‘notches on the bedpost’. Others do take a more level-headed approach, recognizing that they do need to interact with many of these new ‘friends’ but that there is value in broadcasting to everyone else they are connected to. Not so much networking as marketing.

It might not surprise you that I favour a different approach to my online networking. My approach takes three stages, each one making it far easier to manage my time on each network effectively, interact with people in the best way possible and able to connect with everyone who genuinely wants to connect with me.

Stage One –

Understand WHERE you want to be

With so many invitations coming through now, there is a danger of stretching yourself too thin. I have received two more invitations to new networks in the short period of time I have been writing this column. Unless you plan to make membership of social networks a full time occupation, it would be impossible for anyone to be an effective, active member of every network available, so be selective.

There are probably four types of online network for me. Those I will never join; those I join, upload a profile but never visit again; those I join, upload a profile and visit occasionally and those I commit to.

The networks that I commit to are the ones who draw me in, encourage me to contribute and demonstrate a value to being there. For a long time LinkedIn was a network on which I had a profile and visited infrequently as there was such little apparent activity on the site. Over the last 12-15 months two things have happened to change that. The network themselves have added more functionality, allowing you to achieve more through the site, and more people have been drawn to LinkedIn, making activity there more rewarding.

Therefore, you do need to join a few networks and try them out to find out where you are at home, where you feel most comfortable and which ones demonstrate that membership will deliver a return for you, whatever that may be.

That leads us nicely onto

Stage Two –

Understand WHY you want to be there

In my opinion, the most effective way to exploit the sheer number of networks is to use each for a different purpose. If you simply join a lot of networks and use them in the same way, you will find yourself repeating the same activity again and again. Can you really afford to spend your time doing that?

People have talked for a long time about wanting a site, or some software, that replicates your content and profile across networks. I know such software is being developed and wouldn’t be surprised to find out it already exists. You can already post a ‘tweet’ on Twitter and see it duplicated on Facebook and elsewhere.

That’s all very nice but doesn’t it take away the ‘human’ element of social networking? Have a look at the Facebook page of someone who feeds their tweets through. You will see a lot of activity, much of which doesn’t make sense in isolation and using jargon from one network (Twitter) that makes no sense to Facebook users not accustomed to it.

The redesign of Facebook into a Tweeter-style feed is going to encourage this activity more. It means that people using this technology will have fewer reasons to visit Facebook and will no longer be ‘networking’ on it. Facebook will simply be reduced to another broadcast mechanism, rather than a tool for effective engagement and interaction.

If you want to broadcast, that’s fine. My approach takes a slightly different direction though. I believe that each network can play a different purpose. For example:

Facebook is a very human network and provides the opportunity for your professional network to find out about the person, and for your personal network to find out about your profession. It is a great tool for deepening relationships and, used wisely, building trust.

LinkedIn’s primary purpose is to aid connections. You can find out how you are connected to the key people you want to meet, and secure the introductions through your existing network.

Networks such as Ecademy, Xing and FastPitch encourage you to build the breadth of your network by making new connections. These are great fora for meeting new people, finding out about them and developing the beginnings of a relationship. They also allow you to build on those relationships through various events, clubs and ongoing conversations.

By taking that type of approach to your online networking, it means that you can be more selective about

Stage Three –

Understanding WHO you want to connect with there

Following the approach above, you would only invite existing contacts to link to you on Facebook or LinkedIn, while having other networks you can direct newcomers to. Let them develop the relationship on one of the other networks before taking it to the next stage.

An additional benefit to this approach is that it is easier to find and connect contacts in your ‘deeper’ networks. One of the problems of building mass connections is finding people if you’re not looking by name. Keeping these networks smaller makes that task much easier.

The numbers of social networks is going to continue growing as niche networks become more popular. With the increase in popularity of Ning and similar sites, more of your contacts will develop, and invite you to, their own personal social network, while face to face networks you belong to and industry bodies will all invite you to theirs.

Without a strategy to approach these invitations, you run the risk of becoming overwhelmed and turning your back on social networking completely.

Now, that wouldn’t make you too popular!

People are People

I received a cold call yesterday. It was from one of the larger mobile phone networks.

They told me that I had attended an event a couple of weeks ago and expressed an interest in their services, they were just following up. When I pressed for details of the event, my caller couldn't tell me.

The only time I have interacted with this company at an event wasn't a fortnight ago, but twelve months ago. I had spoken with a senior manager about how they use events like that and how they get results. He wanted to talk some more so I gave him my card. I subsequently heard nothing, even in reply to my emails, until yesterday.

How much goodwill is being destroyed by organisations who use exhibitions and networking events as list-building exercises? How many promises are made, and then broken, just to grab somebody's business card?

And how effective is it to treat everyone you meet at exhibitions, events and conferences in the same way. As fodder for a cold call?

Networking is all about building relationships and developing connections who may buy from you, who may refer you and who may recommend you. If you just want a list, you can buy them for much less than a networking membership or stand at an event.

After a recent event at which I spoke one of the delegates replied to the survey sent out by the organisers. "The event was OK", he said, "but I didn't get much from the networking".

"Where can I get a copy of the delegate list?"

Webinar - Discover how to generate more business from your networking

In association with Kintish, I will be running a one hour webinar on implementing a networking strategy for your business next Wednesday lunchtime.

Full details are available here.

Do you hand out more than one business card to a new contact at a networking event?

Someone has just commented on one of my videos on a social network with the comment that they always hand out two or three business cards whenever they meet someone. This is my reply:

I never, ever hand out more than one business card. In fact, I don't even do that unless they have asked for it or there is a specific reason why I want them to have it.

Why hand out more? In the hope or expectation that they will pass the spares out to others? That may happen occasionally, but in most cases your spare business cards go in the bin and you are your printer's favourite client!

I must have collected thousands of business cards over the years, some of which I actually wanted! There is no way I could carry them all around with me, and duplicates, to hand out when I see the opportunity.

If you want people to refer or recommend you, they need to see your face in their mind, not your business card in their wallet. If they then connect you by email, you are in far more control of the connection than if they had just given your business card to the other person.

Two Golden Rules for Business Networking

Regular readers of this blog may not be surprised at what is to follow!

I gave a brief talk last night at Business Scene's Herts Connections networking event. Some two hundred local businesses attended to meet representatives from a range of local business networks and to listen to a number of speakers, including Syed Ahmed, who originally found fame on The Apprentice.

My task was to get everyone networking, and to help them do so effectively. I frequently rage against people who treat business cards like confetti, but twice recently I have seen extreme behaviour by people whose sole reason for attending networking events seems to be to see how many business cards they can hand out. On one occasion recently, one person simply stood by the door giving every guest one of his cards as they came in!

I also wanted to help people have conversations they could enjoy, enabling them to get past stilted elevator pitches into genuine rapport-building.

So I made two rules for the rest of the evening and set people a task. I told the group that they should only exchange business cards once a genuine interaction had taken place and there were grounds for following-up on each other. And I banned the phrase 'what do you do?' as the ice-breaker for conversation.

As you may know, I call 'what do you do?' the networking equivalent of 'do you come here often?'! So, instead of 'what do you do?' I told the businesses present to ask each other 'do you come here often?' A few people seemed to like the idea!

An ice-breaker should be designed to stimulate conversation, not kill it. To do that, you need to find something in common. 'What do you do?' doesn't achieve that, there's no guarantee that the person you're speaking to is in the same line of business as you and, if they are, that they are the person you want to meet.

In a networking context, 'Do you come here often?' gets you talking about the group you're in, the people who invited you and your reasons for being there. You may not phrase it quite like that but the idea is key. Either way, it is much easier to find common ground.

As Business-Scene events offer the opportunity for local networks to showcase themselves, I suggested that people introduce themselves and discuss which local groups they attend and their merits or drawbacks.

Faced with this challenge, the room started buzzing again with more networking. This time people seemed more relaxed and conversation was flowing.

Just before the speeches were about to start again, one businessman came up to me, tapped me on the shoulder and said...

"It works!".

It does, I just wish that more people knew.

Why Yes Men lose out

In my latest video from Your Business Channel, I discuss why it is important not to accept every invitation to business networking events but think about where that event fits into your networking strategy and why you want to go.

Business TV show: Andy Lopata tells why yes men lose out @ Yahoo! Video

What events do you attend and how do you decide which groups to join?

yourBusinessChannel interview - Getting a return on your busines networking investment

How much planning do you put into your business networking and how clearly do you know the return you are looking for?

If you have been reading this blog for a while, I hope the answer is positive. This excerpt from my recent interview for Your Business Channel may provide some food for thought:

Interview with Simply Marketing Jobs

I was recently interviewed by Simply Marketing Jobs . The interview can be found here.

Guru John Popolini - The Press Launch

Last Wednesday saw the launch of Guru John Popolini's show at London's Hippodrome Club. Leicester Square TV were there to cover the launch...and catch a certain blogger on a night out!

Live in London this week - The Art of Networking

I'll be speaking at Earls Court Exhibition Centre in London on both Wednesday and Thursday this week. Both events offer the chance to both improve your networking skills and to connect with a range of people in the UK's event industry.

The talks form part of the 'LondonLaunch:Live' event at Earls Court on 25th and 26th June.

On the Wednesday afternoon, I will be speaking at a special VIP reception hosted by ISES - The International Special Events Society. Entry is free, you simply need to book your place with Steph Laing at steph@isesuk.org to secure your place.

At lunchtime on Thursday, I will be presenting one of the 'LearnShops'at the main LondonLaunch:Live event. You can register for the exhibition at their website.

See you there!