A Question of Trust : A Conversation with Vanessa Hall Part Two

This article originally appeared in The National Networker

Last month I introduced you to Vanessa Hall, the award-winning speaker and author of Trust in Business. Vanessa outlined her model for understanding the foundations of trust and what you need to do to maintain trust in business relationships and ensure it doesn't erode and destroy relationships.

In the second part of the interview I asked Vanessa to elaborate on the role of trust in referral relationships and how to approach referrals with trust in mind.

A: In my new book I’ve been talking about how a trusted introduction can help a salesperson reach their prospect far more easily than cold calling and trying to get past the ‘gatekeeper’. Clearly that’s valuable for the salesperson, but how can the person passing the referral protect the trust they have with the prospect?

V: One of the key things about referred trust that I talk about is understanding both the benefits but also the risks involved, so we have to be quite careful when we’re referring someone else to somebody with whom we have a trust relationship.  This is where my theory of situational trust comes in as well. One of the important things which a lot of people don’t do when they’re giving referrals is to understand in what situation or what context does their trust relationship with this person exist.

Often what happens, for example, is that I might know somebody through the fact that our kids play soccer together. There’s a trust relationship that’s been built around picking up kids, dropping them off, those sorts of things. There’s still a trust there, but it’s very specific to that particular situation. If I refer somebody into that person, somebody else with whom I have an element of trust, but they’re looking for a business type referral, the person who we’re referring them to trusts me more from a social context. If I’m not clear about who this person is that I’m referring them to and why I’m referring them you can actually open yourself up to some confusion.

In understanding the situational trust that exists between two people we can also begin to develop and understand the expectations that we have, and the expectations that the person referring into them might have as well. The process of referrals works much better when you acknowledge the trust relationship that you have and then communicate the context of that contact.

Often what people do is refer people and then leave the relationship up to them but I’ve been caught out a number of times.  Just giving a contact is not enough if we want to build trust. If we don’t frame it properly, not only is the relationship not bridged between this new person and the contact but it can also damage the relationship between that person and you – the person who’s giving the referral in the first place.

A: Framing is vital. I talk a lot about ‘qualified’ and ‘unqualified’ referrals, based on the relationship you have with someone. You may, for example, pass a ‘qualified’ referral to someone you have only just met, by making that clear to the prospect. Where you know and trust the person you are referring though, the referral is ‘unqualified’. You are clearly recommending their services, by saying for example, “talk to this person, they’re superb’. 

How much time do you spend following up the introductions you make to ensure both parties are working well together? 

V: I like to know and I always ask for feedback whenever I’ve given a referral because there are a number of referrals made and if one of them doesn’t work for some reason then I have to sit back and ask what’s happening in this process. Am I not connecting the right people or am I building up an expectation that’s not being delivered?  What’s actually going on?

If you never ask for that feedback you simply don’t know.  You just keep referring people and sometimes you can really end up wasting a lot of people’s time if you’ve not done it properly, so I certainly look for feedback.

Just going back to your point before about when you say, for instance, talk to this person, they’re superb, what can happen in making a statement like that is you can certainly build up an expectation but there’s also an implied promise.  I talk about the difference between implicit and explicit promises, there’s an implied promise – the minute you give somebody a referral, there’s a very good chance that this is going to turn into a business referral, which to me is the implied promise that can break down trust more quickly.

So in not being clear about that and making a simple statement like “this person’s fantastic” or “they’re a real go-getter” or “they’re really friendly” or whatever, you’ve made an implied promise and built up an expectation in that person’s mind about how their interaction might play out, and if it doesn’t play out exactly in the way they expect and the way they believe it was promised to them and it doesn’t meet their needs then their trust in you can break down very quickly.

It’s about respecting the trust that you have and I talk about handling it with care. I compare trust to an egg, it can break very easily so you need to handle that trust very carefully and respect it for what it is.
It’s a gift when people trust you.

A :  Would you introduce someone you’ve only just met to somebody who is a very important client of yours?

V: If I’ve got a very strong sense about the person, but again I’d make it very clear that I’ve only just met them, and I can’t vouch for them other than I’ve got a sense that they were nice, or the right sort of person, but yes I certainly do qualify it in your terms.

A:  Do you find yourself from holding back from introductions that you could make until you feel the trust is at the right level?

V: Yes definitely. I think to some extent it depends on the nature of the contacts. For example, the more work that I do in senior government levels and with people connected with the UN, a lot of people want to know the people who I know. I don’t believe it’s my place to just suddenly open the doors and pour all these people to them, so it’s also being clear about what’s the nature of the relationship between me and these other people and what are their expectations in terms of protecting that relationship too.

It’s a difficult one, because on the one hand you certainly want to help people and help their business to grow and networks continue to increase, and I love connecting people but there is an element of – you know – I’d really love to understand more about you as a person and what you are trying to achieve; what’s the goal?

And what are you expecting out of this connection as well, because I’ve seen it go terribly wrong in many situations

A: You talked about referred trust, you talked about situational trust, can you just explain the other types of trust in your model?

V: In the book I talk about blind trust. With blind trust we jump in, we don’t think about what we’re expecting, about what we need, and we don’t articulate that. And so what happens in a blind trust situation is we are often left quite disappointed and we often blame the other person. But we had a role to play in that by obviously not being clear about what we expected out of this relationship, this interaction and what we need? You should also ask can this person actually promise to deliver on those, are you trusting the right person for the outcome you are looking for?

I talk about sceptical trust, which is the opposite.  We’re very, very clear about our expectations and we want to get right down to the nitty gritty detail before we step into the trust relationship. Very, very clear about our expectations, very clear about our needs, We’ll only trust somebody who will 100% promise to meet those.
I talk about middle ground. There’s a balance between those two, both of them can work very well in some situations but both of them can be very detrimental so there’s a middle ground there. We have to articulate and be clear about our expectations and needs and be sure that the person we’re dealing with can make promises to deliver that.

We can’t go down to the nth degree and people can’t always promise every little detail and so there is a point where we have to step into the relationship but by understanding the model of trust we can also continue to communicate effectively as well.

CONNECTING IS NOT ENOUGH: Ten Tips to Get Your Referral Message Across (Part One)

This article was originally published in The National Networker

Building a strong network to help you generate more business is just the first step in an effective referral strategy. Once you have established and developed relationships with those people in your network, you then need to build their understanding of how they can help you so that they can become effective champions for your business.

This is where so many people fall down. They network relentlessly trying to find the referrals they need when they already have all the necessary connections. They’re just not getting their message across well enough to help their network help them.

If you struggle to get the connections you need from your network, read on. Hopefully the following tips will give you some ideas about how you can change your approach and get your message across in a way that will make it easy for others to refer you.


Tip Number One: Know what your message is


It sounds a bit obvious, doesn’t it? Yet I consistently ask audiences at my talks and delegates on my workshops who their ideal referral is and so few actually have a clear idea. But if you don't know, how can anyone else be expected to understand?

Spend some time working out who your ideal referral is and who you’d like to be introduced to. Your thoughts would naturally turn to prospective clients, yet it may be far more valuable to be introduced to someone who can provide links to numbers of prospects, or add other value to your business. Where do you most need support at the moment for example?

Most businesses have a range of products and services they offer. If this describes you, who are the key connections you need for each revenue stream? Develop a ‘referral mix’, and have a clear picture in your mind of each one, in case the opportunity arises to ask for the connection.


Tip Number Two - Ask the right question of the right person


Once you understand your referral mix, you need to ask people for the referrals they are best placed to offer. After all, different people have different networks.

A few years ago I started writing for The Sun newspaper as a result of a referral from a former top newspaper editor. When he asked how he could help me, I targeted my response to an area I knew he was familiar with and where he was well-placed to help. A little bit of thought can make a huge amount of difference if you then know you are asking the right questions.

You can also do your research in advance in some cases, where appropriate. If you are meeting with a prospective champion and you know referrals may be on the agenda, why not look at their LinkedIn network in advance to see who they know and how they might be able to connect you?


Tip Number Three - Be Specific


If you are struggling to get referrals from people who want to help you, it may be that they simply don’t understand who you want to talk to. That may seem strange to you, but you know your business better than anyone else.

Paint a picture in people's minds of the people you want to meet, companies you want to talk to. The clearer the picture in their mind, the fewer the number of people they know (but above zero!), the more chance there is that they will be able to connect you.

We tend to assume that the more examples of potential referrals we give our champions, the more chance that they will know someone and refer us. However, the reverse is true. The greater the number of potential referrals they can pass, the more filtering they have to do. You have to do the filtering for them

For example, if you sell least cost telephone routing you could ask people for connections to anyone who has a telephone. I’ve heard that request made several times! Yet how much time do you think people would take to make those referrals? Will they speak to everyone they know who has a phone?

It’s unlikely that they would, so they’d have to decide who to talk to. It’s more likely that they’d simply pass on the opportunity to help.

Make it easy for people to follow through and make your request specific and focused. If they know one person and can easily have the conversation, it’s much harder to say no.


Tip Number Four - Ask Directly


I would venture that the most common reason people don’t get referrals from their network is quite simple….they don’t ask for them! It’s often said that if you don't ask you don't get, yet we just sit back and expect our network to refer us.

Many businesses will admit that their best source of new business is word of mouth and recommendations, yet their strategy is a passive one, waiting for customers to refer them rather than asking. However, we are far more likely to talk about negative experiences than positive ones. You need to substantially exceed people’s expectations if you want people to refer you on their own initiative.

Don't assume people know how to help you, or even think about doing so. Look at your closest network and best clients and ask yourself who would be happy to help you but who you've never asked. Sit down with them and explain the connections you are looking for and ask for their help. If you’ve selected wisely you should be delighted with the results.


Tip Number Five - Put yourself in others' shoes


The very nature of referrals dictates that, more often than not, you won’t be present when the referral takes place. It’s important for you to anticipate the conversation between your champion and prospect and prepare your champion with the information they’ll need.

After all, you can’t simply expect your champion to ask the other person if they’d like to meet you without the prospect asking why!

A common mistake is for people seeking referrals to explain why they want to meet or work with a prospect. They are only seeing things from their own perspective. The hard truth is that your prospect doesn’t care about what you want. They are interested in their own needs and self-interest.

More specifically, if they are going to want to speak to you, they need to perceive that they have a problem you can solve. After all, we are in business to solve people’s problems.

Help your champion understand how to communicate the problem your prospect is facing, the solution you offer and how they will then benefit from the eradication of that problem. If you can get that right, you won’t need to be there to make the sale.


Next month, in the next five tips, we’ll look at the importance of keeping things simple, telling stories patience and managing your reputation.

Connecting is not Enough... the newsletter

The latest edition of Connecting is not Enough, the newsletter, is available now. It's packed with vital information to help you network more effectively, including:

- It's not what you know or who you know...

- The pros and cons fo turning to family and friends for support

- The importance of being proactive on social networks

- How to remember names

and not forgetting....

Muppet Bohemian Rhapsody!

You can get your latest fix of networking tips and referrals strategies here.

When, if ever, is it time to quit building a relationship with a potential referral source?

Vena Ramphal has just asked me this question on Twitter. It's a very interesting question. Referrals come from people with whom you have built relationships over a period of time. In some cases the relationships may take years to develop. So how do you know when to focus your efforts elsewhere?

The first thing to understand is how a referral comes about. People are more likely to refer you, and provide you with quality referrals, the more they trust you and understand what you do. Some businesses need greater levels of trust and understanding before people refer them than others. For example, you will probably be more comfortable referring a printer you have only recently met than an accountant.

Everyone you meet and everyone around you is potentially a referral source. Whether they are clients or colleagues, family or friends, they will have their own network and will potentially come across opportunities to refer you.

A referral strategy, however, requires a degree of focus. While you can make efforts to build stronger relationships with everyone around you and communicate your needs more clearly to them, it makes sense to spend some more time developing specific referral relationships with a small group of people.

In each of these cases, you need to understand how much they want to and are able to refer you. In other words, how much do they trust you and understand what you do? These are the first two areas to focus on, unless they score highly on both these counts you can't start asking them for referrals.

To do so, you have to look at each person individually and ask yourself what will inspire them to want to refer you. How can you get them to trust you more? What do they need to know to understand better what you do and who you do it for?

Each of these steps take time. Some people in your network will be ready and able to refer you straight away. Others need a lot more attention.

It is this attention that provides the answer to Vena's question. In theory as long as a relationship is growing and remains positive, you shouldn't write off anyone as a referral source. However, if a lot of time and effort is required to develop the trust and understanding to a sufficient level for them to refer you, it is time perhaps to consider the return on that investment.

A harsh way to talk about relationships, perhaps, but a necessary evil. If you are investing your business time and resources in cultivating relationships with the intention of generating referrals, you need to have a clear vision of what success will look like.

Think about who people know and the conversations they are likely to have. Once they have reached a sufficient level of trust and understanding to refer you comfortably, are they re in a position to refer you on a regular basis to the people you want to meet? If so, carry on investing the time and effort to get to that stage. If they have a limited network and don't have the type of connections you are looking for, perhaps you should look elsewhere.

Ideal referral sources are in a position to keep introducing you to potential customers and other potential Champions for your business. Your referral strategy will be far more efficient if you develop strong bonds with ten key people who each refer you five or six times a year, than if you try to build relationships with 50 or 60 people who might refer you once.

I don't think you ever need to 'quit building a relationship with a potential referral source', or with anyone with whom you have a rapport. You may, however, choose not to spend as much time developing that particular relationship if the return is outweighed by the investment.

Connecting is not Enough....The Newsletter

The latest edition of the Connecting is not Enough newsletter is now available here. From the next edition this will now come out every three weeks rather than fortnightly.

The latest edition includes:

- How well do you know your network?

- A pointless exercise

- What to do when you drop the ball

- The amazing Mr Flydini