The Need for Greed

One of the key underlying principles of networking is the mantra introduced by Dr. Ivan Misner across BNI Groups worldwide. The principle of 'Givers Gain' dictates that you must be focused on giving to your network first and the rewards will follow and it is one that I agree with.

Sometimes, however, it's possible to go too far.

A good friend of mine is a case in point. He has a tremendous reputation for his generosity. He is always looking to help others and goes out of his way to be amenable. This is despite the fact that his own business is struggling and he really needs to focus on his needs first. He said to me recently that if he doesn't win more business in the next month he may have to find employment and shelve his company.

It is possible that his amenability is a actually a cause of his own struggle. My friend is so focused on seeking opportunities to help other people he forgets to ask for help for himself, or doesn't recognise opportunities for himself when they come along.

Last week I said to him that I was going to introduce someone who could be very helpful in opening some important doors for his business. As soon as I described some of the projects this contact was working on, my friend began to list who he knew who could help on those projects.

"That's tremendous", I said. "But this is a connection for you and your business. You need to focus on that initially, don't lose the opportunity.

"I know you're right", he said. "But I'm not greedy."

"You've spend the last twelve years not being greedy. Maybe that's one reason you're so needy".

My friend has been so focused over the years on helping other people, not only has he not asked for the help he needs, when a new introduction has come his way he has been more focused on who else could benefit from the new contact than focus on his own needs.

He has a bank of people who he has helped and who would love to help him, but he doesn't feel comfortable asking for their help. As a result, they cannot recognise the right opportunities for him and he is struggling.

Givers Gain works on the understanding that your network will want to help you if you continue to help them. That only works, however, if they understand how to help you and if you accept that help when it comes your way.

It's fine not to be greedy, but not to the extent it leaves you needy.

GUEST BLOGGER: How to Become a Master Networker by Dr. Ivan Misner

Dr. Ivan Misner, Founder of Business Network International, recently conducted a survey of networkers and, from that survey, ranked the top ten traits of Master Networkers. I asked Ivan to share those findings with readers of this blog.

How do you rank on this list? Are there any traits of networkers you feel are missing?

Networking is more than just shaking hands and passing out business cards. Based on a survey I conducted of more than 2,000 people throughout the United States, the United Kingdom, Canada and Australia, it's about building your "social capital." The highest-rated traits in the survey were the ones related to developing and maintaining good relationships. For years I've been teaching people that this process is more about "farming" than it is about "hunting." It's about cultivating relationships with other business professionals. It's about realizing the capital that comes from building social relationships.

The following traits were ranked in order of their perceived importance to networking. They're the traits that will make you a "master networker."

1. Follows up on referrals. This was ranked as the No. 1 trait of successful networkers. If you present an opportunity, whether it's a simple piece of information, a special contact or a qualified business referral, to someone who consistently fails to follow up successfully, it's no secret that you'll eventually stop wasting your time with this person.

2. Positive attitude. A consistently negative attitude makes people dislike being around you and drives away referrals; a positive attitude makes people want to associate and cooperate with you. Positive business professionals are like magnets. Others want to be around them and will send their friends, family and associates to them.

3. Enthusiastic/motivated. Think about the people you know. Who gets the most referrals? People who show the most motivation, right? It's been said that the best sales characteristic is enthusiasm. To be respected within our networks, we at least need to sell ourselves with enthusiasm. Once we've done an effective job of selling ourselves, we'll be able to reap the reward of seeing our contacts sell us to others! That's motivation in and of itself!

4. Trustworthy. When you refer one person to another, you're putting your reputation on the line. You have to be able to trust your referral partner and be trusted in return. Neither you nor anyone else will refer a contact or valuable information to someone who can't be trusted to handle it well.

5. Good listening skills. Our success as networkers depends on how well we can listen and learn. The faster you and your networking partner learn what you need to know about each other, the faster you'll establish a valuable relationship. Communicate well, and listen well.

6. Networks always. Master networkers are never off duty. Networking is so natural to them that they can be found networking in the grocery store line, at the doctor's office and while picking the kids up from school, as well as at the chamber mixers and networking meetings.

7. Thanks people. Gratitude is sorely lacking in today's business world. Expressing gratitude to business associates and clients is just another building block in the cultivation of relationships that will lead to increased referrals. People like to refer others to business professionals that go above and beyond. Thanking others at every opportunity will help you stand out from the crowd.

8. Enjoys helping. Helping others can be done in a variety of ways, from literally showing up to help with an office move to clipping a helpful and interesting article and mailing it to an associate or client. Master networkers keep their eyes and ears open for opportunities to advance other people's interests whenever they can.

9. Sincere. Insincerity is like a cake without frosting! You can offer the help, the thanks, the listening ear, but if you aren't sincerely interested in the other person, they'll know it! Those who have developed successful networking skills convey their sincerity at every turn. One of the best ways to develop this trait is to give the individual with whom you're developing a referral relationship your undivided attention.

10. Works their network. It's not net-sit or net-eat, it's net-work, and master networkers don't let any opportunity to work their networks pass them by. They manage their contacts with contact management software, organize their e-mail address files and carry their referral partners' business cards as well as their own. They set up appointments to get better acquainted with new contacts so that they can learn as much about them as possible so that they can truly become part of each other's networks.

Do you see the trend with these ten points? They all tie in to long-term relationship building, not to stalking the prey for the big kill. People who take the time to build their social capital are the ones who will have new business referred to them over and over. The key is to build mutually beneficial business relationships. Only then will you succeed as a master networker.
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Called the "Father of Modern Networking" by CNN, Ivan Misner, Ph.D., is a New York Times bestselling author. He is the founder and chairman of BNI, the world's largest business networking organization. His latest No. 1 bestseller, The 29% Solution, can be viewed at www.29PercentSolution.com. Dr. Misner is also the Sr. Partner for the Referral Institute, an international referral training company.

Business, Networking.....and Sex!

Ivan Misner, the Founder of BNI, together with two associates, Hazel Walker and Frank De Raffele, are currently conducting some research for a book on the difference between men and women when networking.

Ivan says, "Sex is about how your body is put together. Gender is about the role you engage in daily. Male and female brains are hardwired differently. According to some experts, the male tends to be about taking action as related to goals (called instrumental functions by the scholars) and the female for the talking or for nurture that is related to relationships (called agency or interpersonal functions). Studies in 39 different countries highlight these differences.

"Well, we want to see if this is true and how it plays out relating to the way that men and women network."

Please take a few minutes to help Ivan and his colleagues out. So far, 5,000 people who have already answered their survey on this subject.

Take the networking gender survey here.